I’M AN ISTJ MARRIED TO AN ENFP, AND WE COULDN’T BE MORE DIFFERENT

People often say that opposites attract. Never has this been truer than for my husband and me. I’m an ISTJ personality type and he’s an ENFP. Total opposites.

 

(What’s your personality type? Take a free personality assessment.)

 

Here are six significant ways in which we are different.

 

 

The ISTJ vs. the ENFP

 

 

1. I focus on the here and now, while he dreams of the future.

As an ISTJ, I spend time thinking about upcoming appointments, weekend plans, and making lists for the grocery store. I find the things that he spends time mulling over too theoretical and impractical, irrelevant to our lives in the here and now. I focus on the details of everyday life, the things that are most pertinent to us in a realistic time frame.

As an ENFP, he spends a lot of time thinking about philosophical ideologies, the existence of extraterrestrial lifeforms, social justice issues, and higher realms of consciousness. He finds it tedious to expend brain power on mundane, everyday tasks when there is so much more that the world has to offer. He focuses on the big picture, with extravagant dreams and visions for the future.

 

 

2. I struggle to express myself, but he communicates effortlessly.

Expressing my thoughts and emotions does not come easily to me. When there is something serious that I want to talk about, I prefer to write an email, spelling out all of the points that I want to make, choosing my words carefully, and making sure I don’t leave anything important out. I communicate best when I have time and space to plan my thoughts out accordingly, with no pressure to share until I’m ready.

My husband prefers to dialogue and converse in real time. He is able to express his thoughts and emotions very well verbally. He thinks best and often has epiphanies while speaking out loud. After he reads the email, he promptly picks up the phone (if we’re not in the same place), so that he can talk to me about the topic at hand. He is able to articulate himself clearly and effectively through verbal communication.

 

 

 

3. I get drained by small talk, but he shines in social settings.

For me, after the basic, “Where are you from? What do you do?” I’m typically at a loss as to how to keep the conversation going. I find small talk extremely taxing and not meaningful, and I don’t enjoy it very much. Once I am comfortable and get to know a person fairly well, I am able to relax and not put as much pressure on myself or the situation. That is when I am able to be myself and open up more.

This is where my husband shines. He is charismatic, energetic, and has a genuine interest in learning about other people. He loves learning about people who are different and similar to himself. Even when others are more reserved, he is able to ask all the right questions to get them sharing about themselves. He is skilled at thinking on his feet and eliminating awkwardness from any situation.

 

 

4. Academics came easily for me, but he struggles to focus.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been academically gifted. Doing well in school and getting good grades came easily to me, when I willingly put in the effort. I’m a particularly fast test taker and reader, and I do well on standardized tests. I excel in areas such as math and science, but I don’t have a wide array of knowledge or interest in many different topics.

My husband is very intelligent and able to grasp concepts easily. However, focus can be hard for him to attain and numbers get mixed up in his mind easily. He requires additional time to complete similar work, but he understands the concepts just as well. He has a basic knowledge of a wide array of topics, and is a self-taught expert in certain topics in which he develops a keen interest.

 

 

5. I don’t empathize easily, but he does.

As an ISTJ, it is harder for me to empathize with others on a deeper level, unless I’ve also had the same experience. I tend to want to give advice to help solve the problem, rather than share in the feelings they are experiencing. I am able to remain fairly detached emotionally and maintain stability and a calm demeanor. It takes a lot for me to get extremely excited, sad, anxious, etc. I also don’t tend to show a lot of emotion on my face or through my body language.

In contrast, my husband can read people effortlessly. He knows immediately when I have something on my mind that I’m not telling him. He feels other people’s feelings very deeply and is extremely affected by the energy (positive or negative) around him. He gets overwhelmed by emotions easily, through situations or by the people in his life.

 

 

6. I’m more logical, and he’s more creative.

I think more logically and have a harder time coming up with creative ideas. Most of the time, I like to follow the traditional course of action and don’t tend to think outside the box. I’m great at meeting deadlines and planning out schedules for completing projects and tasks.

He is a very creative individual and needs to express himself through creative outlets, such as music. He has many different interests and not enough time to devote to all of them. He is constantly challenging the way things currently are and looking for better methods of implementation.

Being married to your opposite is both challenging and rewarding. We clash frequently because our thinking and the ways we express ourselves are so different.

However, we also complement each other perfectly. I’m competent in the areas that he is not and vice versa. We have the opportunity to learn from each other and improve in the areas in which we are lacking.

The key to maintaining a happy and fulfilling marriage is communication. We have to constantly make sure we are on the same page about the things going on in our lives. Because we communicate so differently, it’s important to be intentional about making this an integral part of our daily lives.

 

 

 

WHAT INFJS DO WHEN THEY GET STRESSED OUT

 

 

Did you know that, according to the MBTI Manual, INFJs experience stress in more areas than all other types? Of nine categories measured, INFJs rank at the top in more areas than any other personality type. These include work, intimate relationships, and school. I don’t want this information to stress you out! Don’t worry — there’s help at the end of this article.

 

You’re not surprised, though, are you? INFJs are idealistic and perfectionistic, and they live with very high expectations.

(What’s your personality type? Take a free personality assessment.)

But guess what? Those are all behaviors. What’s interesting about this? You have the power to change your behavior.

Your response to stress is also a behavior. You don’t have to be at the mercy of the stress in your life. With practice, you can begin to recognize your stress response and take steps to address it.

 

First, let’s look at what causes everyday stress for an INFJ.

 

 

What Causes Stress for an INFJ

The types of stressors you face as an INFJ vary depending on your situation. Developing an awareness of when you’re most likely to experience stress is a powerful tool. Anytime you’re required to act outside your preferred nature (introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging) is likely to cause some amount of stress.

Take a look at these common everyday stressors for INFJs:

  • having conflicts with others, or having someone upset with you (feeling nature)
  • being told of last-minute changes (judging nature)
  • large group activities (introverted nature)
  • being criticized (feeling nature)
  • having to deal with too many projects at one time (judging nature)

Stress is also likely if you’re repeatedly required to draw on your less-developed functions throughout the day. These functions are your Introverted Thinking (tertiary) and Extraverted Sensing (inferior). While these two functions can be a source of fun and enjoyment in small amounts, they’re not as natural and comfortable. This means they’ll create stress when you’re required to use them over and over.

Here are some examples of thinking and sensing activities that can cause stress:

  • being required to handle many details or detailed tasks
  • being expected to use logic alone in decision-making
  • having to check accuracy of facts and data
  • being required to focus only on realities and not consider the big picture
  • being asked to do repetitive tasks or tasks that require you to be completely in the moment

Did you cringe while reading that list? I know it sent shivers down my spine just listing them. Yikes!

 

 

How INFJs Look Under Everyday Stress

So what does your behavior look like under everyday stress? As an INFJ, your most comfortable and best function is your Introverted Intuition. Under everyday stress, you’ll experience an exaggeration of this dominant function.

When you’re at your best, your intuition is a beautiful gift. It’s responsible for pattern recognition. You see connections between things. It makes you a great problem-solver. It gives you a vision for the future.

However, when those things are in an exaggerated state, it could look something like this:

  • seeing patterns everywhere and insisting that everything is connected
  • forcing collected data to fit into your ideas
  • having outrageous and unrealistic visions
  • withdrawing inward and refusing to ask for help
  • an unwillingness to compromise on your ideas and solutions to the point of arrogance
  • ruminating or over-analyzing interactions with others
  • avoiding confrontation

Is it getting warm in here? Do you recognize any of those behaviors throughout your life?

Let’s figure out what you can do about this. I wouldn’t leave you without a solution!

 

 

How INFJs Can Combat Stress

Since stress comes at an INFJ from multiple angles, it’s really important for you to prepare for situations that are likely to cause you stress. Take note of your behaviors when you’re under stress. When you know you’ll encounter your known stressors, make sure to schedule in time to re-energize and deal with the stress. For example:

  • Arrange for alone time.
  • Do something just for yourself. Consider doing something artistic or creative.
  • Talk with an understanding friend.
  • Switch gears and do a totally different activity.
  • Journal how you’re feeling and how you’d really like to respond to the situation.
  • Consider your values and take steps to assure your behavior and decisions are in alignment with those.

 

 

What Happens to an INFJ Under Extreme Stress

There’s a tipping point when things swing to the other side of your cognitive function stack. This tipping point causes your inferior function of Extraverted Sensing (Se) to step up and say, “Hellllloooooo! Remember me?”

Well, hello there, Se.

There are situations that cause your Se to wake up and say, “Hey! I want to play!” And by “play,” I mean take charge to start balancing things out. When this happens, we say you’re “in the grip” of your inferior function. This can happen when you experience something greater than everyday stress. Examples include the loss of a loved one through a broken relationship or death, unexpected events, or a major deadline or exam. Continuous everyday stress also triggers your inferior Se.

 

 

INFJs in the Grip

Your behavior will be completely out of character in the grip of Se. You may become obsessed with details about the outside world. You might start overdoing sensing activities, such as eating, drinking, or exercising too much. You try to control everything in your environment and make endless lists. You may walk through your house and become hyperaware of all the things that need fixing or that are out of place.

External blame often pops up for INFJs in the grip, too. If you stub your toe on your bed, you may immediately get mad at the bed for being there (or the person who put it there)!

Most personality types feel somewhat critical of themselves after being in the grip. INFJs are very critical of themselves after an episode because it’s seen as evidence of imperfection. It’s important to remember that you are human!

In her book, Was That Really Me?, Naomi Quenk explains that this process is completely natural and normal and brings you back to equilibrium. Knowing what happens to you when you’re in the grip and recognizing when it happens makes you more self-aware. This self-awareness allows you to make more conscious decisions in your life.

 

 

Returning to a Balanced State

You may have to experiment to find the right thing to help bring you out of the grip experience. In general, though, time alone in a silent, low-stress environment helps. Removing as much external stimulation as possible is key. Lighten your load for a bit and clear some things from your schedule.

You know it’s not super helpful to you when others try to help in these circumstances. It’s up to you to remember to be kind to yourself. You, too, are human!

 

IF YOU’RE AN INFJ, YOU’VE PROBABLY HAD THIS PROBLEM AT WORK

 

 

When I discovered I’m an INFJ and read about the traits associated with it, I was relieved. I wasn’t the only one.

Not only that, my friendships made a lot more sense — my best friend of over 17 years is also an INFJ, and throughout college, I found myself gravitating towards certain people, only to later find that we shared the same Myers-Briggs type. No one gets INFJs like another INFJ.

 

(What’s your personality type? Take a free personality assessment.)

 

Similarly, few other types understand the nature of humanity like INFJs do. This is the main reason we’re nicknamed “the counselor” and “the advocate.”

 

INFJ stands for “introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging,” and we’re often described as creative, dedicated, compassionate, and people-oriented. Whenever possible, we drop anything to help someone. We live in a paradox of desperately wanting connection but also craving privacy and solitude. We want people, but we want them on our own terms.

 

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work like that, so we have to muddle through balancing our boundaries and desires.

 

We are dreamers and idealists whose eyes focus on the future. Our idealism makes us shoot for the moon, but we are not satisfied with landing among the stars. We are perfectionists to a fault, determined to the point of tunnel vision, and private amongst even our closest friends. The INFJ’s priority is to help people no matter the cost to ourselves, and we will settle for nothing less than meeting our goals.

 

 

Many INFJs Are Drawn to Helping Professions

As you can imagine, these traits greatly influence our career choices. Every INFJ I have known has gone into some sort of helping profession, whether it be counseling, teaching, nursing, etc.

The INFJ is driven by the desire to heal and work against the root causes of life’s problems. INFJs want to make everyone feel heard, likely because they have personally experienced what it’s like to be misunderstood. Our job security is that life is hard and people need other people along the journey.

It is the NFJ parts of our personality which guide us to our career choices. Our intuition leads us to imagine possibilities and potential, rather than simply being consumed by the present circumstances. Our Extroverted Feeling function tells us to go with our gut and listen to the tug of our hearts when making a decision. Our judging nature means we will stick to a schedule, to our goals, with rigid perseverance.

Together, these traits help us help others, but along the road, we often forget a very key component of our functioning: We are first and foremost introverts.

Sometimes it may feel like this is the downfall of the INFJ. I, for one, have at times wished I were extroverted, thinking this would make it easier for me to give myself more fully to my job.

 

 

INFJs and the Problem of Burnout

“What’s the problem?” you may ask. The problem is burnout. We INFJs need a career that makes us feel like we are making a difference in the world. This leads us to the helping professions previously mentioned. These careers usually involve considerable amounts of “people time” on a daily, even hourly, basis.

As a therapist, I spend my days listening to people tell me their stories. It is an incredibly honoring experience, but by the end of the day, I have probably met my word quota about three hours prior. And depending on the number of clients, I have likely maxed out on my people time.

This is a common experience for any helping profession, and when you’re an introvert, the consequences catch up to you all too quickly. Soon enough, you have become entirely drainedand you, your relationships, and your career suffer.

INFJs aren’t the only personality type to experience burnout at work — but it’s certainly a very common experience for us, given our nature.

 

 

 

Signs That You’re Burning Out

Here are some signs I have identified in my own life as indicators that it’s time to do some self-care.

 

 

1. When you arrive home, you find yourself avoiding time with your loved ones.

You’ve met your people quota for the day. Even the thought of relaying your day to your spouse, roommates, or kids makes you irritable.

Recognize that every introvert needs some time to decompress, and it’s totally acceptable to make it a quiet night at home. But if it starts becoming your norm to avoid the people you love simply because you are so taxed from work, it’s time to start taking care of yourself.

 

 

2. Your anxiety levels constantly rise throughout the day.

Of course, there are times at work that call for a normal anxiety response. Are you presenting a case or leading a meeting? Expect to feel some stress. But if you find yourself anxious to go to work — or anxious during work — this may be a sign that you need to start prioritizing yourself. If you have an existing anxiety disorder, knowing your boundaries is especially important in order to identify a self-care regimen that will work for you.

 

 

 

3. You don’t have the energy to do the things you love.

When reading a good book, going for a walk, or talking with a close friend sound too taxing, take that as a sign that you need to cut back or incorporate more self-care into your daily regime.

 

 

4. Perhaps the most telling sign of burnout is a dwindling passion for your job, or doubt about whether this is the job for you.

When you have become entirely spent, the amount of energy you can dedicate to your job starts to dwindle. When INFJs can’t give their 100 percent, we start second-guessing our decisions. Don’t listen to this fear, rather, listen to your body.

 

If these scenarios are hitting home for you, you are not alone, my fellow INFJ. These signs are not red flags that you’ve entered a career you can’t handle. Instead, they signal that you have listened to your gut, are helping people, and have dedicated yourself to your career.

 

However, they should also be listened to as the warnings that they are. Remember, you are first and foremost an introvert and that is an integral part as to why you chose your career.

 

Listen to that part of yourself. Take a long weekend, make no plans, go for that walk even if you aren’t feeling like it, call your best friend, light a candle, do some yoga or mindfulness meditation, or go find a cat or dog to pet.

 

You have the right to help yourself just like you help others five days a week. The better care you take of your introversion, the better care you will extend to others.

 

This Is What The INFJ Door Slam Looks Like

It’s 3 AM. We’ve been out drinking. An unkind word has escalated into an argument on the way home.

We rarely argue. I rarely dare to let it get this far. As an ENFP, I want harmony and will only risk causing discord if someone has really crossed a line.

We’re home now and he is having trouble, or not attempting to, mask his contempt for me. I don’t get it. I’ve been trying so hard to have his back, to be compassionate, to be supportive. I’ve done nothing wrong and I don’t deserve to be treated this way.

He looks at me with those bulbous grey eyes, the size of planets. “I’m done,” he says.

Again, I don’t really get it. “Done with what? The argument?”

“This,” he says. “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

I’m embarrassed, now, to say that I was completely shocked. That I had not, even in our worst moments, imagined that he would end things with me. If anything, I had always thought it would be the other way around.

It sounds completely arrogant, I know, but you don’t know our story. On paper, it was the stuff of rom-coms. We met when I was a rosy-cheeked teenager, working in a sketchy bar in downtown Belfast (Northern Ireland). We had crushes on each other but nothing came of it.

I came home to Canada, and that was the end of it. Until we reconnected, nearly 10 years later, through social media. He came to visit me and by the end of his 10 day trip, he had told me he was in love with me and started the process of immigrating to Canada.

It was a whirlwind in every sense of the word. It happened so quickly, and forced me to be OK with things even if I was not, to adjust to situations I had never experienced before and with a person that I really did not know that well. The learning curve was extremely steep, but, I thought, surmountable.

Mistakes were made on both parts, but to me, this was teething. The inevitable clumsiness of two people trying to start a relationship at the living-together stage when we’d spent only a month in each other’s company (cumulative). We would argue, and then we would move on.

Or so I thought.

As an ENFP, if you hurt me, I’ll usually let it go. If you really hurt me, I’ll call you out on it in the moment. We’ll address it, I’ll be appeased, and then I’ll forget about it. It’s gone. Forgiven.

What I discovered that night, and then made sense of later (too late), was that INFJs do not let things go in the same way.

“Remember that time you didn’t tell me about that thing…”

“Remember that time you said…”

“Remember that time…”

He dug deep to drag up everything I had ever said, everything I’d ever done that had hurt his feelings. All of these things had been unintentional, any ENFP out there knows that our biggest fear is hurting somebody else’s feelings. I couldn’t understand it.

“That was 5 years ago,” I kept saying, incredulous. “We worked that out 5 years ago…”

“The trust was broken,” he kept saying, shaking his head, cool-as-a-cucumber. “I convinced myself I could let it go, because I had nowhere else to go. If we were in Ireland, I would never have put up with it.”

It ended that night, that quickly. The seeds of the break-up had been sown in the first 6 months, when we were just starting to make a life together.

Like a couple of new-born deer, taking our first wobbly, uncertain steps. Except one of the deer had a wound in its leg (arguably self-inflicted), and dragged its bloody secret around for five more gangrenous years. 

Personal Spaces

I remember being surprised by how clean it was. Not that he’s necessarily a messy person, but the living room in their apartment was always in a state of utter catastrophe, and walking into his room felt like when you dunk your head under water and everything is muffled and calm. He kept the blinds closed, he never made his bed. But everything else was stacked away neatly and I imagined him quietly putting things away in the early hours of the morning when he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t hang anything on his side of the room; his two roommates, who shared the other side, had plastered the walls with posters and to-do lists and a small white board with “fuck you” scribbled on it 37 times. Their rent agreement was taped above the light switch.

When my Mom travels, she unpacks her toiletries bag in the hotel bathroom and lies everything out on a small wash cloth next to the sink.

We grew up together and used to hang out at her house after school all the time. Her apartment — one that’s all her own now — smells exactly like her childhood home. Every time I point it out, she demands to know if this is a good or bad smell. I don’t know what it is, it just smells very familiar to me. Her kitchen is filled with the same junk food we used to gorge on in the afternoons — cheddar goldfish crackers, double stuffed oreos that she never eats because she hates getting the crumbs stuck in her teeth, and three different types of milk in the fridge. Sometimes I think I’ve changed so much over the course of the last couple of years, only to then feel small and stupid and young whenever I’m in her apartment — because of that smell.

My desk: six different beverages, a mini polaroid photo of me and Preet, a box of band-aids, 21 Thought Catalog books, an empty bottle of Excedrin Extra Strength, a plastic knife, broken headphones, three Durex condoms from when they sent a piñata filled with them to the office, a postcard from Café Mogador, a pink heart-shaped post-it with my Myers-Briggs personality type on it from when Heidi analyzed me and then got annoyed at me for never remembering what my results were.

I really love people who make themselves at home quickly. One time he showed up without really any notice and brought a basket of recently washed clothes that he wanted to fold and asked if he could hang out in my living room and talk to me while he did it. He’d beeline to my apartment after class because I was done with school already and he’d immediately throw his backpack on my couch and crawl into my bed — no matter what time it was, he’d always bury himself in my bed and take up all the space and pull my coffee-stained floral comforter up to his chin and then ask me what the last thing I wrote was. He’d leave things in my room because it was never a question whether he’d be coming back. I rarely invite people over to my apartment because I’m always anxious that everyone’s uncomfortable, but he made it so clear that he felt very much at home.

She draws on everything — napkins, the back of receipts, scraps of paper sitting at the bottom of her purse that were used to hold chewed gum, sometimes even on tables (but lightly and in pencil) — and I always knew the second she started to draw on something that we’d eventually end up sitting wherever we were for several more hours.

I can’t think straight unless I’m in the shower.

I think it says everything about a person if their room is clean, but the insides of their drawers and cupboards and closet are all a disaster. I also think it says everything about a person if their room is just blatantly messy and they don’t bother to apologize for it. I always look to see if there are books — I saw a friend for the first time in a little over a year, and opened my mouth to ask about one of the books on the window sill and she immediately dismissed me and said: “I just took those from my parents’ house, I’ve never read them.”

I have a really big fear of forgetting things, so every room I’ve ever lived in is usually covered in photos. I’m a terrible photographer — my hands are a little shaky and I’m so unbelievably impatient about everything that I never take the time to focus the camera or really make sure I’m capturing what I want — so the display of photos is never aesthetically pleasing at all. I once was FaceTiming with someone in my bedroom and he interrupted me to say that he legitimately hated how I had set up the photos on the wall behind my head. I also always hang up notes from people. I think it’s so intimate to be able to identify the person based on their handwriting.

22 Carl Jung Quotes That Explain What You Love About Personality Psychology

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.


As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know.


Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.


The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.


Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.


Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.


If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool.


If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.


It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how they are themselves


The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.


One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.


If people can be educated to see the lowly side of their own natures, it may be hoped that they will also learn to understand and to love their fellow men better. A little less hypocrisy and a little more tolerance towards oneself can only have good results in respect for our neighbor; for we are all too prone to transfer to our fellows the injustice and violence we inflict upon our own natures.


We meet ourselves time and again in a thousand disguises on the path of life.


Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood.


Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.


You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.


Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.


A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.


The healthy man does not torture others – generally it is the tortured who turn into torturers.


Sometimes you have to do something unforgivable just to be able to go on living.


I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.


The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.

HERE IS THE POEM YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED, ACCORDING TO YOUR MYERS-BRIGGS PERSONALITY TYPE

ENFP

“Anywhere, is hidden between the horizons and the ocean, in its wide range, there is such an existence where you are loving it, where you freely flow between your teeth. There is a scope available there, there is a scope where you work differently – where you choose another way. Maybe you are happy there, though it is not because you are probably not. Of course, despite circumstances, you are exactly where you need it. Only one thing you have done is what you have done. ‘ – Thin Sparacino, thrown into a concrete

 

Let’s face it, you spend more time than you want to think about it and what other universities where you pay different things in life at the moment. This poem is a good reminder for you to stop and take seconds. To make sense you can make the moment you’re able to remember.

 

ENTP

“I’m very grateful to keep the mind that can change.” – Andrea Gibson

You were always the ones that were thrown in your way, and something about you has always been comfortable with the world full of possibilities. This line from Andrea really tells you how lucky you feel about all the things offering this world, and if you call that moment, the possibility of changing your mind.

 

INFP

 

“I do not find failure under words. A delicate disorder delivers me completely. Every time you reach my hands, gravity catches barrels in their knees. This is VGA, I like you Combined with someone, I have found my imagination and carefully prepared for someone like me. I closed my eyes and dreamed about you through many passing chickens, yet you Between many stories hidden inside my eyes, my name is out of your mouth, even waiting patiently, catching the clock, my h Guys fail. I want to prepare for someone like you. “- Oriental Carlotto, Dao

If such a poem was present, he really considered thinking of possible lover and held them only for the highest expectations, and this would be a pretty piece of Orange. You are shocked to romance more than your partners, but this arrangement is everything for you, is not it? To find someone you’ve got to see your thoughts? This is, INFP. We know

 

INFJ

“It’s the ability to bear me very much if I mean something.” – Catalin Conon, Double-A.

When it comes to making an ideal, better or worse, you know that you have done a great job. More about the situation than people, you do not have any kind of cats and its words, it’s not a difficult time – if it means something, it will have to be destroyed in some way.

ENFJ
“I remember you as a little girl who eliminates plants because they do not know when to stop it.” – Testament Monitor

You like someone else in your life perfectly- and you will go too far to help them. You know that you have a tendency to forget your needs from time to time, but it is also a natural thing to keep you from inside. Terra’s manager really marks when you come.

 

INTJ

“I have realized my life as an end to a point of view, the delicate chain of my existence is involved in making a tapestry. Until the event did not feel due to any particular significance, now it is a deep and deep It is meaningful. I can see it very clearly – the maximum plan. I understand that I am the tenant of the architect and my destruction and rebuilding me. I can feel that I am in my chest. I hurry like a pain, finally I know that I am closing in a series of events that can not be stopped, in a result S no part, I find from my part of the power is still felt very uncomfortable. The beautiful universe, brutal expression. “- Lang-threatening, universe

There may be people who do not understand your mind for a long time, or how complicated and universal are your ideas about life. This order from Long is actually a small way of mass and widely compared to the universe, but it is also a way to control our parts as well – which You all know well.

 

 

ESFJ

“You are not reflective of those who can not love you.” Katein Saille, Kirby

It can kill you a little bit – but you know that you spend yourself while putting in people who do not have the ability to love you, and you know that with you What is wrong. The truth is, just because they do not love you, it does not mean that it reflects itself.

 

INTP

“I have not forgiven myself for all my works yet.” – Iranian Eastman

You have regret – especially with you should be processed or actually with action. At this time, we all have to learn to forgive ourselves, and for you, this system can only do a truly accurate ring.

 

ISFJ

 

“Oh soft, every day breaks every morning. You can also.” – Alyssa Nicole

At the ISFJ route anywhere, you have spent a huge deal of weight around us and around you around the world. Your nature is always a sympathy and mineral. But sometimes you forget that you are human too, with a hard and painful person who is entitled to deal with someone else’s way. This piece from Alsa is hoping that reminder is that you are okay to break sometimes.

ESTJ

 

“Salvation effects increase in the years of delays in the years of birth.” – Tyler Knott Gregson, on The Daily Hook Love

You are not to beat around the brush – you know what you want from life and if you have it, you will work hard and prepare it to go there. Tyler wants to see things in your life as a straightforward sequence – work hard, experience opportunities, and when it’s all said and relaxed.

 

ENTJ

“Oh, I bet you’re angry with the enemy.” – The Holy Lady, the Princess has saved herself.

ENTJ There are a lot of things to appreciate about you. We all know what you are trying to do best, and you do not allow anyone to stand in your way. For any person who will think of crossing you, maybe this order may be removed from the home.

 

 

ESFP

“There is an innocent but autonomous part that wants to love you but wants to love because you know that you loved them, they want to love you. One part of you is that someone else’s eyes You may have it. “- Ian. S. Thomas, I wrote this for you

 

 

It is not a secret that you love the light and you have the privilege to successfully trust the people around you. This arrangement from Ian may be a reality for you, but it is true that you want to love more and more than most of the things.

 

 

 

ISTJ

“I am not in and out of the relationship. I never experienced the right connection and did not at least dare it. I would not wait for life in isolation for something that really Controls me, some sun or normal to feel needed. “- Twelve Tapine,

 

You are not to play sports, ISTJ, and you are sure that it is sure. When it happens anything – these relationships, careers, lives – you will follow the rules of the tech, but you will not be afraid to wait until you are able to take anything. You do not see a point of view for a continuous cycle of things – and this piece of blood is most likely to have a power with you.

 

ISFP

 

“Stay so tender.” – Alison’s family

 

I know that you have become very slow to be sensitive ISFPs- but this is a quality that you should not be embarrassed or you should just leave because of some inconvenience to you in your distress. Is a mistake We need people like you, and the form of making this simple arrangement should work as a reminder to stay perfect for you.

 

 

ESTP

 

“When you tell me about things when I can not, I remind you that I am both war and woman and you can not stop me.” Nita Gul

 

 

When it comes to action, you definitely get to the point of view of the ESTP. When you cannot always think things before you go for them, you are encouraged to overcome your position and avoid bushing around, especially in someone’s face who beat you. Can claim and claim that you will not be able to come through. Well, this kind of order is good that you can be related to it – you are not incredible when you are going.

 

 

ISTP

“They now know that we do not scare people like us, and our presence is that we are not afraid of demanding people.” Rhodes – Francesco, Helm

 

It is not to say that you are complete with the idea of being alone, ISP – though we know how much you love your place and your freedom. So far this system from the road will attack a weapon inside you; you are not afraid to live alone in your life and are not afraid to give them the place and place you are You will draw that you will live around it.

Hating Small Talk Isn’t An Introvert Thing, It’s An Everyone Thing

I see a lot of incorrect stereotypes about introversion on the Internet.

There’s the ‘introverts fear answering the phone’ trope (False – that is social anxiety, not introversion). There’s the ‘introverts are more intelligent than extroverts’ trope (Also shown to be uncorrelated.) But above many of the frustrating traits that are falsely associated with introversion, for whatever reason, the ‘You’re an introvert if you hate small talk’ trope bothers me the absolute most.

Do introverts hate small talk? Almost definitely. Because literally every human being alive hates small talk.

At my last office party, I decided to poll the whole office on this matter (being the wild, extroverted party animal that I am). I asked our team of eight introverts and four extroverts how they felt about small talk and the almost unanimous response was “I hate it.”

Everyone saw it as a necessary evil. Everyone considered it to be laboursome, draining and uninteresting. The only party who voted in favor of the social etiquette of small talk was, ironically, an introvert.

She commented that although she didn’t like it, it was nice to have pre-established conversation topics at hand, in order to avoid awkward lulls in conversation. She explained that small talk made her feel comfortable even though it wasn’t necessarily energizing. It was a go-to method of establishing common ground with a stranger.

But did she gain energy from it? No. Of course not. Nobody does.

Extroverts may enjoy social interaction more than introverts, but that doesn’t mean we enjoy all social interaction. And it definitely doesn’t mean we enjoy it all equally.

I am energized by parties, but I am infinitely more energized by a long, one-on-one conversation with a close friend. I am energized by some new people I meet, who provide fascinating perspectives in conversation, but I am endlessly drained by others, who focus their attention on topics that don’t interest me. Being ‘selectively social’ is also not a trait of introversion. It’s a trait of humanity.

There isn’t a person out there who enjoys talking about everything. No matter how extroverted they are. Everyone is intrigued by some topics and bored by others.

And small talk is a topic that bores pretty much everyone on the personality spectrum.

Nobody wakes up every morning ENTHUSED to talk to the corner store clerk about the grim weather their city has been experiencing this week. No one dances around their room in excited anticipation of the ‘what’s new with Bob and the kids’ talk that they’re going to have with their Great Aunt Mildred later that night. Nobody is energized by those meaningless social pleasantries. They’re simply conversations we all have out of courtesy.

Because it would be problematic to greet the corner store clerk by asking what his or her views on abortion are. Because it would make your Aunt Mildred deeply distressed to hear about your drug-fueled quarter-life crisis.

Because the only thing more annoying than making small talk with every vague acquaintance we encounter throughout our day would be having to stop and have a full length conversation with them.

Nobody has that kind of time. Nobody has that kind of patience. And quite honestly, I don’t want to hear the corner store clerk’s views on abortion. I don’t want my Aunt Mildred to know what I’ve been up to. I don’t like small talk – despite being decidedly extroverted – but I endure it.

Because it’s better than the alternative.

So for the love of God – please stop telling me you’re an introvert because you hate small talk. HONEY. We all hate it. Most of us with a fiery, burning passion.

But that doesn’t excuse you from having to make it. And it definitely isn’t the single defining trait of being an introvert.

The Biggest Lie In The Personality World Is That Feeling And Logic Are Opposing Forces

Hello personality type nerds. I’m here to clear up a misunderstanding that has festered its way into the MBTI community.

It began when we took cognitive functions out of the mix.

When the MBTI “Dichotomies” forced their way into pop culture (because they are simpler to understand than cognitive functions), we began to see ‘Thinking’ and ‘Feeling’ as opposing constructs. We began perceiving ‘Thinkers’ as cut-throat logicians, who never felt a tinge of emotion. We began to perceive ‘Feelers’ to be whiny cry-babies who couldn’t make a logical choice to save their life.

We decided that we could only access one or the other comfortably – our heads or our hearts. We decided that the presence of one must mean the absence of the other.

And this view is, quite frankly, both ill-informed and inaccurate.

Let’s take a step back in time.

When type psychology was first introduced (by Carl Jung, in 1921), he theorized a set of ‘Cognitive Functions’ that each of us possessed, in varying order.

We all use two main functions to perceive the world around us (one sensing function and one intuition function), as well as two main functions to make decisions (one feeling function and one thinking function). Our perceptive functions work together to help us form holistic insights. Our decision-making functions work together to help us reach effective decisions.

But what we forgot, when we started separating people into “F” or “T” categories is that nobody uses their thinking or feeling function exclusively (save, perhaps, for people who suffer from severe mental illnesses).

In any healthy, functioning human being, these functions are used together. If we’re suppressing one or the other, we’re making unbalanced, illogical decisions.

Let’s take a look at each decision-making function axis and how each one reaches conclusions.


The Ti/Fe Axis

Ti: Considers what is verifiably true.
Fe: Considers how that information can be universally applied.

Ti: Identifies the inevitable (or most likely) outcome of a set of actions.
Fe: Evaluates the emotional reaction that outcome will elicit.


The Fe/Ti Axis:

Fe: Picks up on the emotional experiences of others.
Ti: Identifies the objective, root causes of these emotions.

Fe: Identifies which actions will lead to harmony.
Ti: Pinpoints which underlying principles govern the maintenance of that harmony.


The Te/Fi Axis

Te: Sets external goals/objectives.
Fi: Internalizes the positive experience of goals and objectives being met or the negative experience of them not being met.

Te: Determines and pursues the most logical course of action, across a variety of situations.
Fi: Subjectively evaluates the outcome of each course of action and provides feedback as to which actions ought to be repeated in the future.


The Fi/Te Axis

Fi: Pinpoints what its user wants.
Te: Executes a course of action that will achieve that desire.

Fi: Identifies the present and past emotional experiences of the user.
Te: Categorizes which actions lead to which feelings and which actions might lead to different feelings in the future.


In the case of each decision-making axis, logic and emotion are factored in, in order to reach the best possible decision.

Failing to qualitatively evaluate a decision (using Fe or Fi) means failing to understand whether your goals are being been met in a meaningful way.

Failing to objectively evaluate a decision (using Te or Ti) means failing to understand whether the actions being taken are productive and effective.

Trying to suppress logic in order to give your emotions free reign will, ironically, cause you to repeatedly experience undesirable emotions, because you’re failing to understand what’s bringing them about.

Trying to suppress emotion in order to focus on what’s logical will, ironically, cause you to lose sight of what’s important as you gun towards your goals, to the point where you may fail to see the point in setting them anymore.

In order to function healthily – to set and achieve meaningful goals, to express ourselves authentically, to keep the peace, or to find the truth, we need to weigh in on both our logical and our emotional functions.

Ti users cannot understand which of their theories are universalizable without accessing Fe.

Te users cannot understand which of their goals are meaningful and worth pursuing without accessing Fi.

Fe users cannot understand what’s driving the emotional experiences of those around them without accessing Ti.

Fi users cannot see their passions come to life without accessing Te.

Attempting to only access the logical or the emotional side of ourselves means deliberately placing limits on our potential.

Of course, T-dominant or auxiliary types will naturally consider the logical course of action before they consider how that course of action makes themselves (or others) feel.

Of course, F-dominant or auxiliary types will naturally consider the emotional impact of a decision before considering how to logically implement or support it.

But at the end of the day, every T-type needs to access their feeling function in order to make the most powerful possible decision. And every F-type needs to access their thinking function in order to make the biggest possible positive impact on the world around them.

In a healthy individual, feeling and thinking functions work together in order to make the most authentic and impactful choices possible.

Choosing to deliberately engage only your thinking or only your feeling function means choosing to deliberately stunt your cognitive growth.

And honestly?

That decision is both illogical and undesirable in nature.

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