7 Secrets About Men Most Women Don’t Know

Have you ever taken a moment to think what dating must be like for… men? Many women believe, when it comes to dating, men hold all the cards. This could be because they’ve been rejected by men in the past, been played or cheated on by men, or simply brought up to believe that’s just the way it is. Whether or not you think men have the power overall, I write today to increase your awareness of some ways in which men definitely do not have the power. Many of these may never have even occurred to you. The more you can understand men and where they are coming from, the more success you’ll have in dating and forming relationships with them. So, here’s 7 disadvantages men have in dating you might never have previously considered.

1. Men have to risk rejection a lot more than women

If there’s a standout advantage women have, this has to be it.

The fact is, women must deal with a lot less rejection in dating than men. If a woman is unwilling to make a move on a man, she can sub communicate to him she wants him to make one, without risking a real rejection. If that doesn’t work, a different man will try his luck. She can meet and get chatting to a lot of men, without having to risk a direct rejection. While women are just as vulnerable to rejection, once in a relationship, a woman can have a successful dating life, without ever being rejected. She may not have quite as many options, but she’ll still have options, especially if she knows how to give men proper green lights.

If a man doesn’t – at some point – ‘man’ up and make a move, then generally he’s going home alone. No matter how much he gives a woman eye contact, it will usually be him who has to walk over, him who has to kiss her, and him who has to ask her out to lunch.

Even if he’s not approaching you in a bar, wherever he meets you, he still must take the risk in asking you out. For many men, confidence does not come naturally. Unfortunately, in dating, where men must risk rejection regularly to have success, confidence is required. This can be a huge, sometimes insurmountable, obstacle for some men to overcome.

No matter how you cut it, for men to get results in dating, they have to risk rejection much more than women. Remember this next time you’re getting frustrated with a guy’s hesitancy to make a move on you and help him out by making sure you make your signals to him clear.

2. Men cannot get a date or romantic attention easily

If a woman wants a date, sex, or even just a little ego kick, it’s not exactly scarce. It could be as simple as jumping on Tinder or getting dressed up to go out for the night. A woman has the security of knowing romantic attention – at least in some form – is always available, should she want it. Each time a man has to move the relationship forward, there is a chance of you rejecting him.

Spare a thought for men, who, even if they jump online or go out, are not guaranteed any of the above. A man always has to risk rejection to earn a date or more from a woman. Many men, especially those who are good guys but aren’t necessarily confident or good looking, never know where their next hit of romantic attention might come from.

3. Society puts enormous pressure on men to be good with women

Like it or not, more pressure is on men to have skills with women than the other way around. Growing up, boys who can flirt and interact with the girls are heroes by their friends, whereas girls who show extraordinary socials skills with men are often shamed by their jealous peers. The underlying message given to men is that they are not a true man and should be ashamed if they cannot attract a woman.

Take a moment to think about the gravity of pressure this message puts on men.

If a guy is around his mates at a bar, how does this pressure effect the chances of him approaching you?

He’s likely to shy away, not wanting to risk failure at something so ‘important’ in front of his friends.

If he’s sober, and you reject him harshly when he asks you out respectfully, how is he going to feel?

Probably, like never approaching another woman again and taking his feelings of rejection out on women in the future.

And, if a guy isn’t good with women, what is he likely to believe about himself?

“I’m not much of a man; I’m pathetic.”

The underlying message given to men is that they are not a true man and should be ashamed if they cannot attract a woman.

So, before you go saying things like, “Well, I wouldn’t date any guy who doesn’t have the confidence to approach me,” take the time to understand where he is coming from and how much pressure society puts on him to be good with women. If you’re giving resting bitch face or turning your back, he might be the perfect guy for you and a great person, but he’s never going to approach you.

4. Men are encouraged to be independent and not ask for help

When a woman asks for help with something, she generally has no fear of being judged for doing so. However, many men, raised with the belief that a man should be independent and strong, shy away from the possibility of admitting they may not have all the answers. In dating, this is especially problematic. Men are told it’s shameful and disrespectful to seek help to improve their dating skills. So much so, we’ve cancelled the Visas of men, who’ve tried to come to Australia and teach it! While some of these men may be coaching derogatory tactics, those who are genuinely trying to help men improve their dating lives and meet women, sadly, get tainted with the same brush.

This ties men’s hands when it comes to improving the parts of themselves that would make them more attractive dates, lovers, and partners. In my own life, admitting I was terrible with women and asking for help (then being looked down upon for trying to find it) was one of the most bitter pills I ever had to swallow, proving extremely bruising to my ego . It was worth it in the end, but such an experience highlights that men, both as children and adults, are actively encouraged against seeking help, especially in this area. So, spare a thought for the hopelessness a man, who isn’t good with women, must feel when he sees other men walk around with natural charm.

5. Men aren’t good ‘people readers’

Men are less intuitive and socially adept than women, which works in women’s favor on the dating playing field. If the task was to carry heavy boxes upstairs, this would give men an advantage, but in the social world of dating, the shoe is on the other foot. This stems from an evolutionary background, where women relied on social skills, rather than brute strength to survive.

Your average woman can read people better, make better conversations, and be more dynamic in her ability to read people than your average male. So, if you’ve ever met a guy, who hasn’t been able to keep up with the social pace or missed a couple of cues from the group, try to have empathy. Men aren’t born to talk and read situations the way you were.

6. From a man’s point of view, all a woman needs to pick up is… looks

And well… they’re right. Sort of. A woman can pretty herself and pick up every night of the week – if she wants to.

Of course, we both know if you were to actually do that you would rarely pickup the guy you actually wanted. Still, the point is that no matter where you are in life, if you get dressed up and go out, you could get something.

Look at this from a guy’s point of view. He doesn’t see the reality – you struggling to get the attention of the guy you want and getting hit on by creepers all night. He just sees a pretty girl with half the bar looking at her and trying to talk to her. What is that going to register in his mind? “Jees, women have it easy.”

Perception is reality. If he sees this (and believes it), then that is enough to make it real that you (and women like you) have the advantage.

7. Men are given mixed signals from a young age about what women want

“Be a gentleman.” “Treat a woman with upmost respect.” “Always put her before yourself.” Men are hammered with this advice growing up. Then, what happens to a guy who always follows this advice? He ends up in the damn friend zone!

It’s no wonder guys get confused about what women want. There are mixed messages coming from the media, their parents, and even other women (who in their eyes ask for one type of guy then date another) about what exactly women want. There aren’t too many young boy’s mothers who give the advice, “Son, open the door for her in the car and pull out her chair for her, then smack her ass hard while she moans in the bedroom.” And if someone tried to teach this en masse, someone else would take it out of context!

Young men are forced to figure it out for themselves and often get it wrong. So remember, sometimes, it’s not a guy fault if he doesn’t know what to do. It’s because everyone has been telling him different things his whole life.

Whether or not you believe men have the advantage in dating – at least, in these 7 areas, there’s no question –  women have the advantage. So, next time you get frustrated with a man, because he won’t make a move, doesn’t seem to ‘get’ you, or seems insecure about his abilities with women, remember, men have pressures on them you haven’t been brought up to identify with. Understanding such pressures and, perhaps, having a little more forgiveness and empathy for a man’s, sometimes  inexplicable, behaviors will see you approaching dating with more patience and acceptance, leading to more fulfilling experiences and relationships with men.

By Mark Rosenfeld from ThoughtCatalog

If you like the post, share it!

The Myers-Briggs Personality Test Doesn’t Actually Mean Anything

Are you an ISFJ or an ESFP? Wait, don’t answer that. Your Myers-Briggs personality type might not actually matter at all.

The 93-question test is the most widely used personality test in the world; some two million people answer the questions each year to find out which one of 16 personality types most closely fits them. But the two women who developed the test in 1945 had no formal training in psychology, and as a recent report by Vox explains, the test is essentially worthless.

As noted in the video above, our personalities don’t fit neatly into classification boxes. As proof, one study found that 50 percent of participants received two different Myers-Briggs classifications when they took the test twice, five weeks apart.

And yet, while the solidity of Myers-Briggs has been tested and found faulty time and time again, many large corporations use the criteria to hire and organize employees.

So why then, does the test endure? Find out in Vox’s video above.

Everyday Struggles of Highly Intuitive People

To be intuitive is to be self-aware. To be self-aware is to be able to grasp the immaterial parts of yourself that exist within the physical doing and being. The benefits to this kind of understanding are obviously endless, but seldom discussed are all the challenges that come with being very attuned to your intuitive, inner ‘knowing.’ To speak to it and more, here, all the things highly intuitive people have to deal with every day:

1. You always know when someone is bullshitting you, even when you aren’t able to say anything about it. For the sake of maintaining your family structures or keeping your jobs, you can’t always call people out on their absolute lack of awareness, and that becomes really frustrating when you see them being tripped up by the lack of insight that they’re closed to having.

2. It can be hard to tell the difference between an intuitive feeling and just… a feeling. You know that if you treated every passing feeling like an intuitive nudge you’d probably have lost your damn mind by now, so you have to be discerning about what’s a ‘gut feeling’ and what isn’t.

3. It’s hard to convince someone of something just because you ‘know,’ and harder to not say “I told you so” when you’re right. There’s nothing more frustrating than knowing a ‘feeling’ isn’t a compelling argument… except after you were right about said ‘feeling’ and the person you were trying to convince would have saved themselves some trouble had they just trusted you a little.

4. You only want to do what’s ‘right,’ but figuring out what’s ‘right’ is basically your #1 life struggle. You know what it’s like to be able to discern what’s “right” (most positive, most helpful, most beneficial, etc.) in any given moment, and the gratification you get from acting on that inherent knowing. Unfortunately, this can also leave you susceptible to only wanting to act on what’s best, when figuring that out is sometimes a process of trial and error.

5. It’s hard to play dumb when you know people are being dishonest or disingenuous with you. And if you’re being honest, sometimes it hurts to be able to tell someone finds you annoying or wishes you weren’t around as much. It’s probably the biggest downside of being hyper-sensitive to what’s around you, but also probably saves you from spending time with the wrong people.

6. You can be very indecisive, as they say: the clearer the choice, the louder the cry to try and choose otherwise.

7. We live in a world that values thinking over sensing, yet our subconscious minds are much more powerful than our conscious ones. And that’s exactly what you’re tapping into when you have that “intuitive feeling” – your subconscious intelligence. A major reason people doubt themselves is because this typically isn’t seen as valid as conscious choice-making, though we already know the opposite is true.

8. You rarely realize that not only can you intuit ‘truths’ but also ‘possibilities’ (hence being prone to intense anxiety). There are usually multiple potential outcomes to any given situation, and the more you are conscious of one, the more you are conscious of the (less likely, more unfortunate) others.

9. Sometimes, it’s better not to be hyper-aware of (or sensitive to) everything that’s going on in the world, it’s exhausting. You can start to feel as though the world’s problems are your own, and that gets overwhelming when you realize that you alone cannot solve them. (Good news, they’re not – they only feel that way because that’s how you perceive them.)

10. You find joy in understanding things, so you’re quicker to think about them than you are to enjoy them. You sometimes have to remind yourself (or consciously re-teach yourself) to just sit back and enjoy life. You’re so busy putting the puzzle together, you forget to kick back and check out the bigger picture, which is pretty great, too.

11. Not everything requires an in-depth emotional analysis. In fact, some things are best served by leaving them alone. Figuring out the difference between what is and isn’t is a delicate dance that you have to learn to master.

12. Your hyper-sensitivity is something you have to protect. It’s really easy for people to take advantage of you and your empathetic capacity (intuitive people are almost always very empathetic).

13. You won’t let yourself continue doing anything that doesn’t feel ‘right,’ even if that’s the easier (or more logical) choice. Your life is totally subject to how you feel about it, even though in reality, you would be better off seeing with a touch of logic and objectivity now and again.

14. You always find yourself asking people ‘what’s wrong,’ because even the smallest micro-expressions can read to you as ‘off.’ Alongside being hyper-aware of things like this, you have a hard time just letting them go. It feels like seeing a burning fire and just walking away.

15. You feel everything more acutely in general. You take everything seriously, and seem to feel everything with more intensity than other people do (for better and for worse).

16. You take on other people’s problems as your own. You sometimes confuse ‘perceiving something being wrong’ with it ‘being your responsibility to fix.’ Your challenge is in letting yourself perceive a situation, yet also just letting it be what it is at the same time

11 Things Highly Intuitive People Do Differently

Even if you don’t realize it, we all have been gifted with intuition, which some people know as that “gut feeling” they sometimes get. Our intuition basically serves to keep us safe and help us to make informed, heart-based decisions. It informs us of impending dangers, and guides us through life so that we can grow into our highest selves.

Even Steve Jobs, considered one of the most prosperous businessmen in history, said that, “intuition is a very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect, in my opinion. That’s had a big impact on my work.”

We all have this innate ability to make decisions based on our intuition, but some of us have a better connection to that inner voice than others. If you tend to listen to your heart when faced with a difficult decision, then you probably do these things differently.



Highly intuitive people simply don’t ignore their instincts; rather, they listen to them fervently, and make decisions almost exclusively from this source of wisdom. Many people still feel skeptical about intuition, but some swear by it.

If you don’t want to jump on the “intuitive” bandwagon yet, consider this story: While cleaning her house, one woman got a sudden gut feeling to call her mom. This inner voice told her that her mother had taken pills and that she needed assistance immediately. Sure enough, the woman hailed the nearest cab and went to her mom’s house, only to find that she had overdosed on a box of pills. She called an ambulance and saved her mother’s life, having her intuition to thank.

So, highly intuitive people don’t care if others think their “inner voices” sound crazy; they listen anyway, and in some cases, this could make the difference between life and death.


According to Sophy Burnham, bestselling author of the book “The Art of Intuition,” the majority of intuitive people are introverts.

This makes sense, because introverts cultivate energy from within, and they can’t hear their intuition without getting some quiet time alone. We live in a noisy world, so both introverts and intuitive people find their escape within. Also, highly intuitive people never feel lonely in their own company; they actually look forward to spending time alone and catching up with the latest insight in the universal realm.


Musicians, artists, fire-breathers, dancers, writers, and all creators have one thing in common: they allow their creativity to guide them effortlessly through life, and never question if it makes sense or not.

Actually, following their passions makes perfect sense to creative folk, because they know that their creativity makes them feel alive, and we came here to feel nothing less. Nurturing that inner creativity will allow life force to flow through you, something that intuitive people have already figured out.


Intuitive people have a high level of self-awareness, meaning they have become acutely in tune with their inner feelings and outlook on themselves. They have mastered this through some sort of peaceful spiritual practice, which allows them to shut off the outside world for a bit and only pay attention to that blissful inner knowing.

Highly intuitive people tend to have less “mental fog,” because they’ve learned to sit silently with their own company, therefore feeling comfortable with themselves in the simplest form. Their thoughts no longer cloud them, because they’ve learned to rise above them.


Just like they pay close attention to their inner world, the intuitive person looks at the outside world with the same open eyes and heart. They can connect deeply with others, because they’ve learned how to do so within themselves.


This doesn’t mean that every ache and pain calls for drastic measures, but intuitive people know they must pay attention to how they feel in order to care for themselves. They don’t call intuition a “gut feeling” for no reason; in fact, scientists have discovered that our gut is essentially a second brain because of the sheer number of neurons lining the intestinal walls.

Furthermore, some experts believe that our gut instincts are more effective and efficient than logical analysis in our decision-making process, according to a study performed by researchers from Boston College, Rice University, and George Mason University.

So, intuitive people don’t care how fast the world moves or how many demands people have of them; they will always take time to listen to that inner guidance.


Highly intuitive people have a knack for understanding how others feel, and can offer advice and guidance when necessary. People often come up to them to share intimate details from their lives, because they instantly feel comfortable in the intuitive person’s company.

Intuitive people can also read others without them having to say a word, which helps them further understand each individual.


The universe speaks to us in a variety of ways, and intuitive people know this. They don’t view anything as a coincidence, such as seeing the same numbers on a clock frequently, or seeing the same person at the mall each time. Everything contains meaning for the intuitive person.


Even though they relate well with others, intuitive people naturally put themselves as a priority so they can better serve others. They take time off work when needed, and create space each day for inner wisdom to flow through. They believe in working smarter, not harder, and have a difficult time understanding our work-obsessed society. Intuitive people make sure they get their needs taken care of first before attending to anything or anyone else.


Intuitive people know that their inner voice can’t flow with negative energy blocking the waves of knowledge and healing. So, the highly intuitive regularly balance their energies and release negative emotions in order to fully connect to their highest self.


These types of people don’t hold back their emotions, instead letting them flow and creating space for others to do the same. Intuitive people feel totally comfortable in their own skin, and don’t apologize for having human emotions. They celebrate them, and encourage others to join in the party!

If You Experience These 8 Signs You Are a Highly Intuitive Empath Sensitive to Energy

Lately, the word empath has been thrown around quite a bit. But, what exactly does it mean to be an empath and how do you know if you are one?

Empathic people can feel everything. And when I say everything, I mean they feel not only their own emotions and feelings but also the emotions and energies of others. While we are all sensitive to one extreme or another, the empath is beyond sensitive to the point of having what could only be described as a supernatural ability.

However, there are some empaths that are not only empathic but also highly attuned to their intuition as well. If you are unsure of whether or not you are a highly intuitive empath, there are a number of signs which indicate if you are.

1. Dreaming About Incidents Before They Happen

Have you ever dreamed about something in great detail before it happened? While it may seem as though it is purely coincidence, it may not be. Instead, you could be experiencing your intuition in action.

2. Having a Feeling About a Bad Situation….And Being Right

Sometimes, we may have a bad feeling about something, yet we don’t trust our gut. However, if this happens constantly, and you always turn out being right about the situation, then it is likely that you are a highly-intuitive empath.

3. You Just Connect to Some People

Upon entering a room full of people, you just sense certain things about people. While some may give you vibes that feel off, for whatever reason, you feel drawn to others.

4. You Usually End Up Getting What You Want

While others struggle to achieve their goals and desires, it seems as though you somehow end up manifesting almost all of yours.

5. You Have To Recharge….A Lot

After being around large groups of people, you feel exhausted. Because of this, people may think that you are being anti-social, however, that isn’t the case. Instead, you simply need a day or so alone to recharge after being around so many vibrations and emotions.

6. You Can See How Things Will Work Before They Happen

Before a situation plays out, you can usually see what the outcome will be in your mind.

7. You Know When Someone Is Full Of It

Without even knowing a person, you can somehow sense whether or not they are speaking the truth.

8. Even In A Room Full of Silence….It Seems Noisy

You can be in a room full of people sitting in silence, but to you, it seems loud. Why? Because you can sense what each and every person is feeling, and it can be overwhelming at times.

Source: Via EWAO

18 Struggles Of Having An Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Shy And Introverted

This… this is my soul song, people. This is my Vietnam.

1. You’re not anti-social, you’re selectively social.

2. At any given point, you have one (maybe two) best friends who are your entire life. You’re not a “group of friends” person. You can’t keep up with all that.

3. Social gatherings that are supposed to be “rites of passage” like prom and dances and other such typical nonsense is just… not for you. You don’t understand it. You want nothing to do with it.

4. When you do choose to grace a party with your presence, you are the life of it. You’re dancing on the table and doing body shots until 3 a.m.

5. … You then retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover.

6. You go out of your way to avoid people, but when you inevitably have to interact with them, you make it seem like there’s nothing in the world you’d rather be doing.

7. Dating is weird, because you’re smiling and laughing and talkative at dinner, and then you don’t want to answer their texts for four days, because like, you just want to be left alone…

8. You’re accused of being flirty with everybody, which is hilarious, because in reality, you can only tolerate like four people.

9. You retain an air of mysteriousness about you, completely unintentionally. (There’s no mystery. You just feel no need to update the social sphere on what’s going on in your life every two hours.)

10. Not to mention the fact that you either have days in which you’re tweeting and status updating every five minutes… or you delete your accounts for a month.

11. You become unintentionally awkward because you at once feel the need to be a social life jacket for other people, though you’re just as uncomfortable yourself.

12. You’ve never really understood the whole “introvert vs. extrovert” dichotomy (can we call it that?) Because you’re… both…

13. You’re always thrown into the wringer because people think you’re best suited to be the one who gives the presentation, confronts the boss, gives the speech, etc. Meanwhile, you’re practically throwing up over the thought of it.

14. You ebb and flow between wanting to be noticed for your hard work, reveling in the attention and achievement you receive, to sinking and panicking over the thought of somebody else paying more than 30 seconds of attention to you.

15. The entirety of your being is a conundrum, so needless to say, indecisiveness is your Achilles’ Heel.

16. You’re at your happiest in places like coffee shops and cafés: surrounded by people, but still closed off and keeping to yourself.

17. You prefer to travel alone, but meet up with people once you’re there.

18. It’s taken you years to figure out that you’re shy. Literal years. And when you tell people, even your closest family members, that you’re “actually just shy” they pause, and then their eyes go big, and they go: “Oh my god you so are.”

Want more articles like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s book The Truth About Everything here.

Here’s Why They Pulled Away When You Were Starting To Get Close, Based On Their Myers-Briggs Personality Type

ENFP and ENTP: They started worrying that being with you would limit their freedom.

Ne-dominant personality types enjoy the passion and excitement of new relationships – but they also enjoy the passion and excitement of the world that surrounds them. Which means, if a relationship threatens to limit their ability to explore that world, these types won’t be sticking around for long.

Freedom is of the utmost importance to ENFPs and ENTPs. A partner who displays any controlling tendencies is an instant turn off to these types – as is a partner who might hold them back, in any way, from pursuing their lofty ambitions.

ENTJ and ESTJ: Being with you was starting to infringe upon their other priorities.

Te-dominant personality types know what they want in life – and they need a partner who fits neatly (enough) into those plans. No matter how much an ENTJ or ESTJ likes you, they are highly unlikely to continue a relationship with you if doing so means they have to compromise their core values or priorities.

These types look for partners who make sense to them – those whose values, interests and aspirations are relatively in line with their own. Which means if you start to see them pulling away, chances are, they’re realizing that you two just have different priorities. And they’re looking for a partner whose interests aligns with their own.

INFJ and INTJ: They were having trouble deciphering whether they could see themselves with you long-term.

Ni-dominant personality types do not rush into new relationships. These types need time to get to know you, to understand you from various angles, and to determine, with as much certainty as possible, whether or not they can trust you.

If an INFJ or an INTJ pulls away from you as you are starting to get close to them, there’s a strong possibility that they’re questioning whether or not they can trust you (and consequently, whether they can see themselves with you long-term).

However, their pulling away isn’t necessarily a bad thing. These types just happen to take relationships a little more slowly than other types – and if you’re able to understand and respect that, it will likely go a long way towards showing them that they can, in fact, rely on you to be there for them.

ESFJ and ENFJ: They weren’t sure if you were as invested as they were.

Fe-dominant personality types are used to giving relationships 100{67b9dc46c2005a2d6d0dc9e883ab6bdb9c47365a25e8ad24adf59fc11de2db4a} – but they’re also used to dating people who don’t give quite the same back. These types have learned through experience to select partners carefully. Before they go all-in with a new relationship, ESFJs and ENFJs need to feel certain that they’re with someone who’s as ready and invested as they are.

If an Fe-dominant type pulls away as you’re starting to get close, they may be questioning your investment – and waiting to see if you’ll pull in closer. These types are more than willing to fight for the people they love in their lives – they just need to know that those people are willing to fight for them, too.

ISFJ and ISTJ: They were overwhelmed by the commitment they’d feel the need to make to you.

Si-dominant personality types take their commitments to others incredibly seriously. Once they enter into a relationship, say ‘I love you,’ or tell you that they’ll be there for you, they have every intention of following up on what they’ve said.

The catch-22 of this tendency is that ISTJs and ISFJs need to think incredibly carefully about who they’re making promises to. They don’t want to enter into anything before they’re absolutely certain that they both want and are capable of taking on the commitment of being with them.

If an ISFJ or ISTJ is pulling away from you, it’s likely that they’re thinking over the commitment they may or may not be ready to make to you.

ESFP and ESTP: They weren’t done exploring their options yet.

Se-dominant personality types are explorers at heart – which means they need to have a solid grasp on what’s out there before they feel totally comfortable settling down with any one situation (or person). This doesn’t necessarily mean that these types need to play the field or date multiple people at once – it just means that they might not be the quickest type to jump into a long-term commitment.

If an ESFP or ESTP pulls away as you are getting close to them, chances are they’re feeling panicked or rushed to make up their minds about something before they’ve had adequate time to explore and decide upon how that something makes them feel. These types take their freedom very seriously and they aren’t quick to limit it unless and until they’re 100{67b9dc46c2005a2d6d0dc9e883ab6bdb9c47365a25e8ad24adf59fc11de2db4a} sure that they want to.

INFP and ISFP: The reality of your relationship didn’t match up to the relationship they’d been envisioning.

Fi-dominant personality types tend to see the absolute best in people – often to a fault. These types are prone to idealizing new relationships, and may spend a great deal of time imagining how they hope a budding relationship is going to unfold.

However, if the INFP or ISFP realizes that there is a major discrepancy between the way they’d pictured their love interest and the way their love interest actually is, they may feel disappointed or abruptly turned off by them, and be at a complete loss as to how to ‘turn their feelings back on.’ When an INFP or an ISFP pulls away, they are often attempting to reconcile the idea they had of you in their mind with the reality of who you actually are (and how your collective relationship might unfold).

*Note: sometimes this is a good thing! Often, the two versions can be reconciled. Giving them some time to think things through may be the most beneficial thing to do.

INTP and ISTP: They couldn’t figure out what you wanted, and didn’t feel like sticking around to play guessing games.

Ti-dominant personality types crave straightforward communication with their romantic partners. Because their feeling function (Fe) is in the inferior position in their stacking, they have a hard time distinguishing whether someone is interested in them platonically or romantically – which means that any attempt to ‘play games’ to capture their attention will likely lead to them checking out of the relationship altogether.

If you find an ISTP or INTP pulling away once you have started to get close, you may need to give them some time to sort through their thoughts regarding your relationship – but when in doubt, simply ask them what’s going on. They’ll likely appreciate the straight-forward nature of your approach, and be glad that you’re taking the initiative to discuss what is or is not going on between you.

Heidi Priebe

Heidi drinks too much coffee and criticizes all Myers-Briggs types equally. Buy her books or follow her on social media.

Follow Heidi on Twitter Facebook Instagram Amazon

The Warning Label Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type Should Come With

ENFP: May spontaneously up and move to Antarctica moments after making a serious commitment to you because they saw a picture of a penguin online that looked cute.

ENTP: May delve deeply and intensely into your psyche, make you question everything you thought you knew about yourself and then completely disappear without notice.

INFJ: May be using their warm, cheerful persona to mask a cold and calculating interior.

ESFJ: May secretly expect you to return the ten hundred thousand favors they have done for you, even though they claimed they don’t want anything in return.

ESTJ: May lecture you incessantly about anything you do that is even remotely illogical.

INFP: May be ten hundred thousand times more twisted and deranged in their thinking than their innocent demeanor would lead you to believe.

ESFP: May appear to be significantly more invested in your relationship than you are, while actually being significantly less invested in it than you are.

INTP: May fact check literally everything you say and catch you in any attempt at a lie or exaggeration.

ENFJ: May casually get you to confess your deepest, darkest childhood secrets over coffee and then use them against you if you ever seriously cross them.

ENTJ: May completely rearrange your habits, routines and long-term plans as they see fit and them and then make you think it was your idea.

ESTP: May literally charm the pants off you.

ISFP: May completely disappear into the woodwork, never to be seen again, the minute they feel pressured or intimidated by you.

INTJ: May lead you into various conversational traps through which you have no choice but to admit that your logic is flawed.

ISFJ: May secretly resent you for years without you ever remotely suspecting it.

ISTP: May flake off on a solo adventure for weeks at a time without making any contact to loved ones or the outside world.

ISTJ: May accidentally make you feel like shit about yourself because they basically lack moral vices of any kind.

Pick up a signed copy of Heidi’s new book “How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Personality Type” here.

This Is How Each Myers-Briggs Type Will Meet Their Soulmate


Walking into their intro to law class, they find a seat and sit down, before taking a chance to look around. It’s then that they realize that the classmate sitting next to them is looking at them. “Sorry, am I in your seat?” The ENTP asks, half-rising out of their chair. “No, no! Actually I was just thinking that you look like you take good notes.” The person laughs. The ENTP sits back down. “I look that nerdy huh? Is it the theory of relativity shirt? It’s the shirt, I knew it.” Their classmate laughs again, “A little bit, but don’t worry you’re the good kind of nerdy. I’m calling you right now as my study partner, no takebacks.” Now it’s the ENTP’s turn to smile.


Their significant other stages a big breakup scene in a restaurant that culminates with them throwing a drink at the ESFP before storming out. As the ESFP sits and tries to wipe off their face, a sympathetic waiter appears with a bunch of napkins. “Free replacement drink?” They ask. “Only if you drink it with me.” The ESFP replies. The waiter smiles and checks their watch. “I’m off in 15, can you wait that long?” The ESFP laughs, “Maybe.”


In a lecture hall, they correct their professor and it quickly grows into an argument. They go around and around, both growing more and more frustrated until someone sitting in the back raises their hand and sides with the INTP. The professor looks defeated at the prospect of two of their brightest students teaming up against them and moves on. After class the classmate walks up to the INTP and tells them they thought their arguments were really good, and would they like to talk more about the topic sometime?


Waiting for a new client at a business lunch. Seeing their client they rise to shake their hand and get high-fived instead. “I tell you what, whatever you’re selling, I’m already in” the client laughs and throws themselves into the chair. The ESTJ sits back down slowly, a little taken aback. However, as the lunch wears on, they find themselves being worn down by the kind of inescapable happy charm the client emits. As the ESTJ leaves, they almost ask the client for their Linkedin but stop themselves for fear of seeming too forward. They shouldn’t have worried, because as they’re waiting for the valet to bring their car around the client comes running outside to get their number.


The annual company-wide picnic is in full swing when they announce they’re going to award the winner of the jelly bean guessing contest. The ISTJ is sure that they have done their math correctly, but to their surprise, two names are called, and in a bit of confusion they get pulled up front with a cute stranger from another department. “They both guessed the correct amount; I guess you guys can split the restaurant gift card.” The boss laughs awkwardly. As the ISTJ walks away with their fellow winner, they manage to pull themselves together and ask if the stranger wants to take them up on the idea to split the gift card together. They know they’re in trouble when the stranger smiles brilliantly and the ISTJ is so distracted they completely miss the answer (it was yes).


The party is at the cusp of winding down and the ENTJ is stirring their drink absentmindedly and calculating how many hours they could have already been asleep for. Suddenly someone slides onto the chair next to them and in hushed tones explains that they may have bet someone they were a world class thief, and also maybe that the ENTJ was their lawyer and could the ENTJ please play along for $50? The ENTJ laughs, agrees and plays the part with some (barely any) degree of believability. “I’m not paying $50 for that performance.” The stranger laughs after the bet is won, “C’mon, I’ll buy you drink somewhere else.”


Sitting in the back of a coffee shop with their coffee and a book, actively ignoring the slam poetry going on in the front of the small space. So actively ignoring in fact, they don’t even notice the paper airplane that drifted onto their table for several minutes. When they do, they unfold it to read a message written inside: Are you enjoying the poetry? They look up and around for the source and their eyes land on the face of an attractive person sitting two tables over who’s watching them. The INFP smiles and makes a face. The stranger holds up one finger as if to say wait a moment. They make another airplane and send it to the INFP, who is trying not to laugh at this point. They open it and read the second message: Come with me? I know another coffee shop that definitely doesn’t have slam poetry. The INFP looks up and nods enthusiastically. They meet the stranger on the sidewalk. “I’m warning you, if the coffee’s bad I’m going back to risk the poetry” the INFP says, with a smile tugging at their lips. “Deal.” The stranger laughs.


Sitting half asleep on a beach chair near a lake, a book slipping out of their hands. A dog runs up to them followed by their attractive owner who apologizes profusely before recognizing the book the ENFP is reading. They talk for what feels like only a little while, the day turning into night before turning into dawn before either of them notice the time. When the ENFP’s friends finally come looking for them, the ENFP reassures them that they’re fine. In fact, they couldn’t be better as they’ve agreed to go out on their new romantic interest’s boat later today.


Stapling up flyers around campus, when they notice someone is tearing them down. “Hey, hey, stop, what are you doing?” The person stops and sets their stack of torn down flyers on a bench. “this event isn’t on campus and so you can’t put up flyers.” The INFJ stares. “Who are you, the dean of students?” The person sighs. “Pretty much, I’m student body president.” “For real? Do we actually have one in college?” The INFJ asks. “Yep.” The person replies, looking down at the posters, “shame though, this actually looks really cool.” “You should come! It’s going to be great.” The INFJ, looks up with a smile “In fact the student body president is even trying to shut us down.” The president laughs, “Okay, okay, look you can advertise for it on the campus Facebook page, deal?” “As long as you’re going to show up, deal.”


They just got off the plane to spend the whole summer in Europe. As they examine their guidebook, they hurry down a cobblestone street and walk directly into someone. They drop their guidebook and back pack and start apologizing profusely in what they hope is the native language. The stranger laughs and picks up the ISFP’s things. “Don’t worry about it.” They respond in perfect English as they hand the guidebook back. “If you want someone to really show you around, come by the café down the street, I’ll show you around.” They wink and disappear down the road, leaving the ISFP a little dazed, but now sure of their first stop tomorrow morning.


Standing in the ticket line with their friends at the movies, they voice their excitement to see an upcoming movie. From behind them someone agrees. The ESFJ turns and sees an attractive person standing there smiling with their friends. “Really? I only worry-“ they begin, “That it’ll never live up to the book?” the stranger interrupts. “Yes!” The ESFJ exclaims. They talk all the way through the ticket and concession lines until they have to part to meet their friends in different theaters. As the ESFJ walks out of the movie, they look for their new friend, but with a bit of disappointment don’t see them. That disappointment melts away however when they turn their phone back on to see a new Facebook friend request.


On their way home from work they stop at the grocery store. They are in a hurry to get home, and since they only need a few items, they hurry past the carts and into the aisles. They’ve almost picked up everything they need when they suddenly remember they agreed to make a cake for a friend’s birthday. With a sigh they go to find cake mix and, even though their hands are pretty full at this point, attempt to grab the box anyway. In the blink of an eye they feel themselves lose their grip on the items they were holding and close their eyes in anticipation of the crash. After a moment they open their eyes and realize an attractive stranger is holding out the items. “Almost dropped something.” The stranger smiles. “Oh, thank you, I’m really sorry.” The ISFJ says a little self-consciously. “No worries, here, I’m going up to check out anyway, let me help you carry some of that.” The stranger adds, taking some more things from the ISFJ. “Oh, no, I don’t want to trouble you.” The ISFJ says. “Hey, save me a piece of that cake” the stranger nods at the box of cake mix, “and we’re even”.


They got put into probationary training at work for disobeying orders once too many times. Now they have to shadow whoever the higher-ups deem enough of a goody two shoes to handle retraining someone. They are ready to ditch their “mentor” until they realize that while their mentor may be a goody two shoes, they aren’t willing to give up on their mentee, even if it means helping the ISTP with some of their dubious plans.


They got bet $100 they couldn’t talk to the hottest person in the bar. They slide up next to the hot person and explain their situation, keeping one eye on their friends who shake their heads in disbelief as the ESTP takes a phone number and a free shot. Little do they know they’re going to find themselves buying dinner for that person tomorrow night with that $100.


They are buying groceries. They shake their head and make a wry comment after reading that the artichoke prices have increased by 30 cents. They are surprised to hear someone burst into laughter behind them. The owner of the laugh smiles and points out the INTJ is wearing $1500 shoes. The INTJ surprises themselves by asking for the person’s number and calls them 2 full days before they planned to.


They presumed it would be a quiet day at work, but when they walk in they’re told they have to show a new employee around. They prepare themselves for the worst, but when they go to look for their charge they find someone removing all the director’s photos from their frames in the lobby. The new person doesn’t stop, but simply removes the last photo, placing it in their bag before motioning for the ENFJ to lead the way. At the end of the tour they hand the ENFJ one of the photos with their phone number over the face. “My number.” They wink and slip into their new department.

Kathleen-June Horne

I believe that a good personality is the best accessory.

Follow Kathleen-June on Twitter Amazon

What Sparks Joy For Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type

ENFP: A Ferris wheel all lit up at the county fair. Kissing in the rain. Finding something you haven’t seen in years. Candy flavored chapstick.

INTJ: Purple ink in a gold tipped fountain pen. An ironed Sunday Times. A personal library filled with leather bound books. A perfect Scotch and soda.

INFP: Shooting stars on a warm June night. A tattered paperback copy of a classic novel. A cotton printed dress with Birkenstocks. Backpacking through Europe. Messy curls.

ENTP: A marble statue at a NYC art museum. A fresh Moleskine notebook. A vintage full manual camera. A cappuccino in a paper cup. The sound of rain on a window.

INTP: A lamp glowing in a dark room. Thick glasses, pushed up on their nose. A wrinkled shirt. A notebook with pages torn out of it. The smell of boiling Top Ramen.

ENTJ: A colorful Excel spreadsheet. Dancing to music in the kitchen. The feeling of weary success after public speaking. Wrapping gifts while watching Christmas movies on TV.

ISTJ: Opening a package you’ve been waiting for. The scent of ivory soap. New school supplies. A big box store that’s perfectly organized.

ENFJ: The smell of a new car. Going out with your friends, laughing over overpriced mixed drinks. The satisfaction of things going according to plan. The snapping sound of closing an expensive jewelry box.

ESTJ: The smell of printer ink. Black coffee in a travel mug. The sound of hanging up dry cleaner bags. Buying holiday decorations for cheap directly after the holiday for next year.

ISFJ: Holding a brand new kitten and deciding on a name for it. Queen Anne’s lace waving gently in a field. Funky dangling earrings. A tranquil lake. A quiet sense of adventure and excitement, like waking up for a 3 AM flight.

ESTP: The lights of the Las Vegas Strip reflecting in a pair of sunglasses. A storm brewing at the edge of town. A concert full of lights and sound. An empty shot glass and the smell of cigarettes and old leather.

ESFP: The pulsating lights at a club. The smell of cheap alcohol and expensive perfume. A social-media-worthy brunch. That feeling you get before you get a daring haircut. A candy necklace.

ISTP: That feeling you get driving on a foggy road at night. Looming evergreen trees in a National Park. A redone vintage car. Shaggy haircut. Bright eyes filled with wonder.

ESFJ: Petit four in neat paper frills. A loose braid swinging behind its owner. A clear forest pool. Short nails, neatly bitten down. Talking in a low, happy voice in front of a fire.

INFJ: A priceless work of art, tacked to a wall. A long black overcoat with half a bag of Skittles in one pocket. Walking through a silent city at 2 AM. A cottage in the mountains, half obscured by morning mist. A vintage record spinning silently.

ISFP: Jeans that fit exactly right. A mystical shop, stuffed full of books and curiosities. That feeling of finally discovering your destiny. Finding a secret menu item from your favorite restaurant. The quiet noises of a small hamlet town awakening to a crisp fall day.

Kathleen-June Horne

I believe that a good personality is the best accessory.

Follow Kathleen-June on Twitter Amazon
Show Buttons
Hide Buttons